As I awake this morning and turn on the TV, the headline news on CNN is that Hamid Karzai’s half brother has been killed, shot and or murdered.  Hmmm, how do I feel about this?

Who is Hamid Karzai?

Oh, right, the guy who says he heads Afghanistan. So his half brother was killed??…So what!

As I sit in my warm bed in Portland, Oregon, U.S.A preparing to have a nice cup of coffee, CNN is blasting through my calm morning with breaking news that he was shot multiple times by someone living or working inside his heavily fortified compound.

Hmmm, I wonder if gas prices will got up again?

Oh, well the stock market will definitely go up on this news.

I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to feel.

Half brother, did his folks get divorced and one of them remarried?

Was this half brother[Ahmad] a good person, a bad person, a VIP or a nobody. Let me Google him and find out….hmmmm, Ahmad Karzai.

Hey….Hamid, Ahmad….I could go either way on this one…tomato or tomaato!

Ah, here it is Ahmad Wali Kkarzai. “Wali” now that’s a funny name.

Hey, it looks like “The half-brother of Afghan President Hamid Karzai — who was assassinated Tuesday — used to run the Helmand restaurant in Lakeview, Illinois near Chicago.” Wow, in 1995 before the restaurant closed, Tribune critic Phil Vettel wrote about its “slightly exotic” Afghan cuisine. Oh, “slightly”, that doesn’t sound good.

You know….if he was in the restaurant business in Chicago, that could have been what got him killed. Chicago politics, yep, I wonder if Obama ate there. I should make a YouTube video about this conspiracy.

Well anyway, CNN is always yakking about corruption in Afghanistan so perhaps this guy got what was coming to him. Who the heck knows? I’ve never heard of him or his restaurant. I wonder if it’s rated in….

Was this part of the “Afghan War”, the “War on Terror” or the “War on Drugs?”

How should I know?

Maybe it’s the Arab Spring turning into Summer or even pay back for that fellow in Florida burning that holy book…what’s that thing called?

Maybe this guy was on one of the many “U.S. Most Wanted” lists CNN is always mentioning, or maybe he was buddies with that Osama dude. Well you lie down with dogs and you get….

I’ll bet you he was on the ‘no fly’ list. I’d like to see him try to wear one of those fancy hats through the TSA window.

Who knows?

Did those bad-ass Navy Seals finally get him? Did the Israeli’s get him?

How should I know? I’ve never meet a terrorist or a Taliban person-fighter, evil doer. No, wait, it could have been the Taliban or Al-Qaeda that assassinated him for helping us, the good guys. The news says that happens all the time. If you live over there you can just point to an American and get blown up for it, yep, that’s what they said on TV. They got bombs in their underwear over there. I’ve never seen that hanging on the rack at the Walmart.

It sounds about right, because the gal on CNN, you know the one with too much makeup and way too many plastic surgery scars? NO not that one, the other gal with the crazy “here today gone tomorrow” hair extensions, that one seemed pretty unhappy as she delivered the “Ahmad Assignation” story. So perhaps the bad guys, there are so many of them, shot poor Ahmad– who was one of the good guys?

No wait, what about the Iranians, I’m told they are quite evil. Ha, no gay people in Iran, now that’s funny.

Perhaps, Ahmad took some money from the Iranians to traffic drugs and rat out the Americans? Oh, bad move Ahmad….he got what was coming to him. Scumbag. He should have stuck to the restaurant business. Anyway, how do you go from serving couscous on the North Side, to getting assassinated in the desert?

Ah—of course— I know, he was friends with that guy Mubarak who stole all that money and lit that street vendor on fire.  No wait….that was Egypt, this is Taliban country, it had to be them. Those evil bastards we should bomb them all back to the stone age…hmmm, no electricity, illiterate…that will be a quick campaign.

I’ve got it! Ahmad must have was been a part of the surge the old guy on Fox is always yelling about, “The Surge” “The Surge”, what’s that guys name? He ran for President with that nut from Alaska? Hey lady, you know I can see the moon from my front porch but it don’t make me an astronaut. The old guy with the hot wife? Ah, McBain.

Holy cow, what if he[Ahmad] was America’s friend, perhaps he was working with General Petraeus to root out all evil and bring Christianity, opps I mean Freedom, to all those illiterate Afghans that don’t even have electricity in their homes.

That’s it, this is just a part of the Afghan Spring and I shouldn’t worry.

Aw, maybe I should text some money to feed all those Taliban children and help build a school or get cable TV….hmmmm, well we’ll see what CNN says after breakfast.

Well, any way you look at it, if CNN says this is important, even though I’ve never even heard of this guy, it must be important to be in the headlines.

I should read up and learn more about the Karzai family. I love all those fancy hats, I hear Megan Fox is going to start wearing one….well either way, I’ll research it and learn some more….wait, COOL here’s that insurance commercial I like so much with the dancing bear. “Buy Progressive insurance”—I should call them—– and you see the red head’s name is FLO, like that “kiss my grits” gal from that old TV show….that’s funny.

So back to headlines, what was I talking about? Ah, whatever.  Hmmm, what’s on Fox news this morning….

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